Archive for August 2023

Do you have a late teen or 20-something-year-old who could use some support?

Do you struggle knowing how to help your adolescent or young adult child?

Is your 18-24-year-old stuck or unmotivated?

These and others are concerns that many parents have for their coming-of-age children. Consequently, many parents have expressed interest in coaching for their adolescent or young adult children. In most cases, these are either high school or college students who 1) are struggling academically or socially, 2) feel unmotivated or lost, 3) thought they knew what they wanted but have since begun to wonder, or 4) are challenged by heightening expectations and looming adulthood. All of these issues (and more) are cause for concern. In most cases, I have not heard back from the parents despite my follow up. I’m going to guess that this is because the young person is not committed to getting help. Totally understandable, right? I mean there’s huge stigma around mental health for older adults, so imagine how much harder it may be to convince a young adult who is plagued with peer pressure, image concerns, time constraints, and so much more!

Mental health has been an issue for years but is growing exponentially in severity for this age range since the pandemic. According to the National Institute of Mental Health in 2021, more than one-third (33.7%) of all 18-25-year-olds, 28% of adults aged 26-49, and 15% of 50+-year-olds had a prevalence of mental illness, making this late adolescent-young adult population the most prominent among the adult populations. Moreover, the percentage of individuals in this age bracket who received services was 44.6%, which is the lowest of all adults. The above rates are for any mental illness. The rates for serious mental illness were once again highest within this age group, and rates for receiving mental health treatment were again the lowest of the adult age groups. With such high prevalence of mental illness and low rates for getting needed help, mental illness has been declared a health crisis, especially for the 18–25-year-old bracket.

If you are reading this blog, you’re probably quite aware of this problem. You are also likely wondering how best to help. This is tough. There are many answers, but none is a one-size-fits-all solution, as individual mental illness profiles are so unique. But I get it because I’ve been there. You try to help. They push you away. Tell you they’re fine. Or they can handle it. Some do. Most don’t. We pray they will make it through this tough time. It’s anguishing.

Upon my wise spouse’s encouragement, I decided to write this blog to help you guide your adolescent or young adult child toward getting help. I have a few suggestions. They may or may not pertain to your circumstances. Regardless, I hope they open your mind to a new perspective for engaging with your young person. If we, as parents, are to make headway with our kids, they need to know that we value them for who they are and feel safe with us. This, in and of itself, is a tall order.

• First, figure out how your young person deals with things from a social standpoint. For the vast majority of youth this age, we are not who they trust and/or respect the most. This is hard to accept. However, developmentally, they should be expected to go to their peers. So,try to ensure that their friend group includes some kids with sound decision-making skills. And try to give some space.
• Second, try your hardest to listen to (and really hear) what your young person does tell or otherwise share with you. Chances are, it’s not as much as you’d like, but it’s best if you can be there when they do come to you. Often when we see our kids struggling, we want to give advice or share what we’ve done in similar situations. STOP! In my experience, this generally backfires. At some point, they will mature enough to hear and learn from you in this way. However, now is not the time.
• Third, so if I’m just listening and not responding, what good am I doing, you might ask? A world of good, actually! Actively listening, showing that you’re there with (not for) them, and truly hearing and seeing them is most likely what they need the most.
• Fourth, let them live their lives as much as is reasonable. The adolescent mind is wired for risk. Really, it is! So, when we try to get our kids to stop doing things that scare us, we are not only countering what they’re ‘supposed to do,’ but we’re also taking away their autonomy, control, and self-efficacy. In order to develop self-determination, they need to try things. Obviously, there are multiple levels of experimentation. All families are comfortable with varying amounts. I guess what I’m saying is that your kids, no matter what age, need to experience certain things themselves to learn the lessons they need to from them. So, let them live.

I’ve given you an ear (I guess eye) full here. It’s a lot to take in, and I’m happy to meet with you to work through any of this together. Sometimes adults need to talk things out before we’re able to help our kids. Before I go, I wanted to point out a number of other blogs that may be of interest. Earlier this morning I published a post for adolescents looking for support. It is short and briefly addresses some frequently asked questions regarding life coaching for adolescents. I wrote it for their eyes. So, please direct them to:

Life Coaching for Adolescents (Written for Adolescent Audiences)

My hope is that some of them may search for information like this to help them make the hard decision to get help. We can’t do the work for them. They have to do it. I’m very easygoing, and I strongly believe that I can support most young people who are committed to helping themselves. Your job in this fight is to help them get there.

I also have several other blogs on my website www.larahaascoaching.com.blog about family, parent, and life coaching for different ages. Check them out and let me know what you think. I’m always looking for new ideas for blog topics and am especially excited to write about what my readers want and need.

That reminds me before I go, I’d love to grow my mailing list. Every month I send out a newsletter letting my followers know what’s new at Lara Haas Coaching, LLC-Fostering Flourishing Families and providing additional tools and resources. It is completely free but by subscription only. If you’d like to sign up, please go to www.larahaascoaching.com/freebie. All I need is your name and email and you’ll get direct links to my new blogs and other news straight to your inbox. I manage it myself, so it’s very easy for you to unsubscribe at any time. Please share this offer with your networks!

Thank you so much and I sincerely hope you have a joyful beginning to the school year! Together, we can make anything happen.

Are you struggling with your self-image or confidence?

Do you need help getting motivated to do your schoolwork?

Would you like some support in navigating identity issues?

Do you want to improve relationships?

Are you anxious about what to do after high school?

If you experience any of these concerns, you are certainly not alone. Growing up is tough!

It seems like adolescents are faced with growing numbers of decisions every year, many of which are challenging to navigate. School stresses and transitions, how to stay motivated when you feel stuck, friend and relationship issues, self-image and confidence, identity questions, what to do after high school, and more are important questions for many young people, and many are not comfortable going to their parents for help.

As a life coach, I work with you to help you live more happily, achieve your potential, and promote engaged, meaningful relationships. I begin by listening to your story, both your concerns and your wishes. During this time, I learn about your strengths, so we build a trusting connection from the very beginning. Next, I help you identify realistic goals for change and growth. Throughout the process, I offer nonjudgmental encouragement and support and provide strategies, tools, and resources to guide your continued growth.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who are typical adolescent life coaching clients?

Any adolescent looking for guidance or support. All young people are welcome. If the topic you’d like to discuss is not on this page, reach out to see if I’m comfortable working with you on it!

Who attends coaching sessions?

Attendance at coaching sessions is flexible depending on your needs and wishes. You can meet with me alone or ask a parent to join us if you prefer.

How/where are sessions conducted?

Sessions can be conducted by phone, video call, or in person in the St. Louis area.

How long do sessions last?

Sessions can run 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or an hour based on your preference. The number of sessions is dependent on your needs and goals, but generally ranges from 4-8 sessions.

What concerns does adolescent life coaching address?

Life coaching can address any concerns you want to work on. Some common topics include:

• Academic concerns
• Anxiety
• Bullying
• Depression
• Identity/LGBTQ+ support
• Life after high school
• Multicultural themes/Cultural adjustment
• Self-image and confidence
• Social skills/relationships
• Transitions (new school, community, parental divorce, etc.)

Committing to this work is the hardest part. Go ahead. Pick up the phone, email me, or schedule a free consultation from my webpage today. I’ve been there myself. And I’ve been there with my two young adult kids. You got this! I got you! We can do this!!!

Are you an expectant or new parent looking for advice from someone who’s been there?

Do you wonder if your preschooler is ready to start kindergarten?

Does your child struggle in school?

Are you concerned about your child’s social and emotional wellbeing, confidence, or self-esteem?

Does your child behave in ways you don’t understand and/or can’t control?

Do you have trouble motivating your child to spend time wisely?

Is your child suffering from the effects of bullying?

Could you use an ally to help bridge gaps in understanding with your child’s school?

Would you like guidance helping your child work through identity issues?

Do you have a hard time connecting with your preteen/teenager?

Are you struggling to figure out how best to support your teen as they transition to life after high school?

If so, you are certainly not alone. Parenting is hard work!

There’s good news though. Working with a coach can help you find the motivation, tools, and solutions you’re looking for. As the saying goes, it takes a village. Well, it may not require the entire village. You (caring parent/guardian) and me (parent coach) is a good place to start. When you open up about your struggles or those of your kiddo, I’ll listen and reflect back what I hear and observe. Hearing your thoughts and feelings may surprise you. Sometimes we aren’t even aware of what we know until we talk about it. What’s more, you most likely already have what it takes to improve your circumstances and might just need some guidance to see what you are capable of.

Parent coaching is useful for any parent or caregiver who is looking for support in navigating their child’s health and wellbeing, as it strives to establish positive relationships by providing education about youth development, communication, and coping skills, as well as foster confidence and self-efficacy. When you partner with me, we prioritize these goals based on your desires and needs. I guide the process by 1) helping you identify, develop, and capitalize on your strengths (and those of your family), 2) achieving personal/familial goals using solution-oriented approaches, and 3) enhancing positive experiences and emotions. As long as you have a desire to learn, I can help you to take ownership of your growth.

Depending on your circumstances, you may be working through challenges that originate (or otherwise play out) at school. I have always loved the poem, Unity (cover image). Its message is simple, yet the outcome is truly a work of art. It brings me back to the village idea. I’ve always believed that schools should hold partnering with parents a high priority, as you are your kids first and most instrumental teachers. You likely know them better than anyone else. Even with this collaboration, many children struggle at school. Issues may be exacerbated by a variety of circumstances, varying in nature- academically, socially, emotionally, behaviorally, or any combination thereof. As a parent and teacher, I learned that sometimes it helps to have someone else (a third leg of the chair) to bolster a strong foundation and further stabilize situations that arise at school. If you’ve tried to collaborate with school staff and have not seen the growth you’d hoped for, I can serve as an advocate for your family. Often, having a three-pronged approach (you and school plus a third entity) can help strengthen the connections and bridge gaps in understanding/experience.

What’s the end result?  

• Strengthened multi-directional communication,
• Clearer understandings all around,
• Improved parenting skills,
• Aligned parenting strategy,
• Higher levels of confidence and courage,
• More fulfilling relationships,
• Happier, more successful kids,
• Realization of your family’s potential!

Frequently Asked Questions

Who are typical clients?

Any adult looking for help with youth. All caregivers are welcome, including parents (biological, adoptive, foster, new and expecting, etc.) and any relative or other adult who shares in the legal care and guardianship of youth.

Who typically attends coaching sessions?

You (and a parenting partner if appropriate) and I can meet on our own. I can meet with your child. Or you, your child, and I can meet together.

What concerns does parent coaching address?

Parent coaching can address any concerns you want to work on. Some common topics include:

• Academic concerns
• Anxiety
• Behavior challenges
• Bullying
• Communication
• Coping skills
• Depression
• Difficult conversations 
• Identity/LGBTQ+ support
• Multicultural themes/Cultural adjustment
• Parenting skills
• Relationships
• Self-image and confidence
• Social skills
• Transitions
• Youth development

I have experience wearing multiple hats- educator, social worker, parent, coach. Whether your child’s concerns pertain to school or not, I am here to help. You and your kids deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and successful. It may take a few of us working together, but I am inspired to provide the support you need and ready to empower you in all ways possible. Reach out today!

When I graduated with my master’s degree, I was nearly 50 years old. I had conjured up the confidence after many life changes- moving halfway across the country, adapting to a new diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, returning to school following a career in teaching, and breathing a sigh of relief that our two kids had reached their teenage years. After the ceremony, my dad gave me a card with a lovely photo of a bird with outstretched wings, gliding past the sun, as it set on a beach. Inside, he wrote simply,

“We’ve given you roots. Now use your wings to soar!”

Throughout the course of my adulthood, I’ve made several important life decisions, ones that were not easy to make on my own. I have my family to thank for helping guide me along the way. When faced with the difficult decision of what to do for work once I realized my beloved teaching career was no longer optimal for my health, I thought about my parents and the roots they had provided me. After 20+ years of childrearing, when my brother and I were in middle and high school and were the only two kids still at home, my mom returned to school to get her master’s degree. Mom was in her 40s when she began to study for the graduate degree that would allow her to start her own professional life. That seemed incredibly brave to me, and I was so proud of her. Of course, this paved the road for me to follow in her footsteps. However, it encouraged me to think about a whole lot more…

My mom’s tireless commitment to the six of us provided me with a strong foundation in life. She was and still is, the most selfless person I know. I have always marveled at the way she managed the household, with six kids, our dad, four grandparents, and house all requiring constant attention. Not to mention taking care of herself (which I know she certainly didn’t do enough of)! Her dedication instilled in me the sense of security I needed to take risks and try new things. So, I learned to trust myself, to be curious, and while not ready to spread my wings yet, I did learn to stretch them a little more each year, to explore the world around me. It was during my high school years when she was in school that I remember growing the most. I was coming into my own, while my mom came into her own in a totally new way. Together, we challenged our boundaries, our limits, and our strengths.

School was the easy part for me. A lifelong learner, I was almost always ready for a fresh cognitive challenge. It was going back out into the world with a new career that I was anxious about. I had decided to look for work in the nonprofit sector. My Dad, who started his own educational publishing company, knew nothing better. After a successful career in business, when he gave me that card, I knew he believed I was ready. He reminded me of the values, skills, and love of learning he and my Mom had instilled in us and explained how I could transfer them to my new job. We spoke of how my multiple sclerosis could held me reimagine how I approach my work. And he encouraged me to always take care of myself, that this is what’s most important. This summer, my Dad reinforced how proud he is of me. My launch of a new business makes me the fifth of his six kids in addition to him and my Mom to go into business for ourselves. He knows me well enough to understand the confidence and courage this took and has expressed his admiration for the resilience I have shown. This vote of confidence is invaluable to me.

Clearly, I don’t require the same type of support from my parents as I did when I was young. However, the secure foundational roots and strong wings of self-determination that they did provide me (and continue to do at 85 years), deepen and broaden into all I aspire to do. I will never forget my childhood struggles, my low self-esteem, my lack of understanding of who I was. At times, these questions sneak back into my mind, my heart, my soul. When the new roads I come to do not provide a clear path, I look to my decades of lived experience to guide me. I will always have my metaphorical home to return to, thanks to my parents’ never-ending love.

And so, giving children roots and wings remains not only an essential lesson from my younger years, but also one that my husband and I strived to instill deep within our son and daughter. Both are venturing out into the world and beginning to spread their wings. Every day brings a new adventure, and my husband and I are thrilled to be part of many of these exciting times. As a couple, we continue to learn both about ourselves and each other. He grew up an only child. I can only imagine how he must have felt when first introduced to my large family! Our different upbringings continue to challenge us in our parenting skills, but we are stronger because of it.

For these reasons and more, I strive to help your family experience the safety and security necessary for all its members to flourish. Having accomplished this, you will be all the better for it, as the whole is stronger than the sum of its parts. I feel this to be especially true for families. Let my supportive hands inspire the

…planting of vigorous seeds,

…nourishing of clean water and nutrients,

…sprouting of deep roots, 

…broadening of sturdy trunk,

…stretching out of new branches,

…breathing of fresh green foliage,

…budding of colorful blossoms and sweet fruits,

…spreading of determined wings, and

… soaring to new heights,

for you and your children. Once you cultivate a foundation of love, hope, and connection, the beauty of flourishing is yours to reap!

A few weeks ago, I was on a call with some cohort members from my positive psychology coaching certification program. We were discussing how we use positive psychology in our businesses. When my turn approached, I shared that most of my clients have been youth or adolescents. As our training didn’t address working with young people specifically, their questions got me thinking a bit more deeply. It brought me back to my original reason for wanting to go into coaching.

Over time, research and practice in fields like psychology, child development, parenting, and others have swung back and forth on a pendulum. Sometimes tough love is in vogue; other times we are deep into promoting young people’s self-esteem. These philosophical changes are caused by multiple criteria and will likely continue to fluctuate. One thing always holds true, however. Young people need to know that they are valued, loved, and supported. In my experience, the straightest course in promoting this is through confidence, self-efficacy, and resilience. But how do we help kids develop these traits?

Caring adults help youth learn many essential skills. Sometimes they come relatively naturally, as a result of healthy modeling, emulation, trial and error, and ultimately habit formation. Other times, these strategies don’t work as hoped and may require further intervention. One example might include a baby who doesn’t develop a secure attachment with a caregiver. Many unintended influences may develop, including a lack of ability for the child to self-regulate. Unwanted behaviors and belief systems surface that can cause turmoil for the family as well as the child’s academic, social, and emotional wellbeing.

There is little argument that youth and adolescents are living in a tough time. Anxiety and depression rates are higher than ever before. Social influences of multiple types challenge our society to uniformly establish laws and processes that address the widespread discrepancies seen across populations. While I leave some elements of this work to others, I am committed to doing my share to bridge these gaps. This is precisely why I have chosen to provide life coaching for youth and adolescents. THEY NEED IT. WE ALL NEED IT.  

Over time, all individuals should develop self-determination (including autonomy, competence, and relatedness), but it seems this is more of an adult goal. We need to start with smaller bites with young people. They need to develop confidence, courage, and motivation. They learn this when we give them voice, choice, and empowerment. Adults are often scared to do so for fear that we will lose control. I couldn’t agree more that this is scary. However, when was the last time you learned anything meaningful when someone else did all the work? We will falter. Our kids may fail. But this is indeed how we all learn, isn’t it? We learn from our successes and challenges. Young people are no different.

As a child, when I was cautioned against doing something, I grew scared and believed that the grownups believed the task was too difficult or dangerous for me. This fear lowered my confidence which in turn depleted both my courage and motivation to try new things. Consequently, I repeated what I knew how to do and got good at a certain set of things. In essence, I was a perfectionist. However, it wasn’t until I grew the self-esteem to take on new challenges that I learned what else I was capable of. As such, we are limiting our kids’ success and growth with our own fears and need for control and worse yet, modeling this for them. I think the most impactful lesson I’ve learned is to laugh at my mistakes. Laughing allows me to see struggle in a different light. My perception of challenge has become what I seek out of circumstances.If something isn’t difficult, I’m not sure what I’ll get out of it, whereas if I need to struggle even a little, I know I’ll learn something from the experience.

I’m afraid I’ve gone a bit off topic though. So, life coaching youth and adolescents provides them with a new perspective, a reframing, and a growth mindset toward change. It helps them learn skills, strategies, and practices that they don’t learn in school (and often not at home) that they can take with them into adulthood. And it provides them with the building blocks to develop self-determination.

Are you concerned for a young person?

Would you like them to develop a sense of autonomy, feel connected to others, and believe they are competent and capable?

Need a little help?

Reach out today!

What do you hope for most for your kids/family? When posed this question, most caregivers reply with a resounding ‘HAPPINESS’ or “CONFIDENCE!’ Afterall, don’t we all want our children to live a life of satisfaction and fulfillment?

When I think about my desire to ensure this for my two young adult children, I can easily become deflated, as I know that sometimes I’m struggling to keep my own head above water, let alone helping others do the same. Then the safety announcement at the beginning of a plane ride comes to mind…you know, the one about the need to put on your own mask before helping dependents. But this feels wrong. I’ve always been one to help others before tending to my own needs. When taken at face value though, it’s true. If you are with someone who requires your help, the only way you can ensure their safety is if you do it yourself. If you cannot help them, how do you know if they will be helped?

So, my first acknowledgement is that you advocate for your own self-care. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I say this for multiple reasons. First, you deserve it. It’s that simple. But perhaps more cogently, your kids require it. You see, young people learn from almost everything they see, hear, and do. I’m going to say that again. Children learn something, whether it’s what we want them to learn or not, from most observances they encounter. If you are who they are around the most, your actions and behaviors are what they will learn the most from. You probably only want them to learn from the best that you put forward, and if you’re like me, I only do so when I’m at my best. Enter consistent self-care, so you can more consistently be at your best!

You may ask what this has to do with family coaching, and it’s a valid question. There are many ways to define a family coach’s role. I like to describe a Family Coach as…

Someone who engages with you to help bring out the best in yourself and your family.

Pretty simple, right? Maybe. Notice I started with YOU. I engage with you to bring out your best self. This likely sounds like life coaching, which it is. To bring out the best in a child or adolescent, THEY may also benefit from life coaching. However, because the lives of families are so intertwined, it may also require some relationship coaching. This can take many forms. If two caregivers have drastically different lived experiences and therefore distinct ways to approach parenting, it may be beneficial to work together to find commonalities that both parents can engage with. If you are a single parent, you may face other challenges, including finding the time and strength to do all you need to without fully depleting yourself. If your relationship with a tween or teen is stretched, you may find the most support when we work together so I can observe your interaction and communication with one another. Perhaps your kids have challenges with one another and you’d like to work on sibling rivalry or you have a blended family and wish to forge a stronger understanding between stepsiblings. The list of possibilities goes on. However, a brief list may be summarized as:

1. life coaching for youth, adolescents, and adults;
2. parent coaching for a variety of caregiver roles and configurations; and
3. relationship coaching for multiple purposes (not including marriage counseling/therapy),

which brings us to another common question: the difference between coaching and therapy/counseling. My main distinguishing factor is this…many people who seek out mental health or other holistic wellbeing support wind up spending a certain amount of time discussing occurrences of the past, trying to move from a negative/deficit state of being to a survival state. This is very needed in many instances. Rather than focusing on the past, what I try to do is use our experiences and learnings from past events to move us into a future state defined by less stress, anxiety, and depression and more optimism, hope, and resilience. It is as if we were moving not from -5 to 0 on a continuum, but rather 0 to +5. This does not mean that we ignore or negate our challenges. Rather, we recognize our learning from them and use this to find new and creative ways to tap into these successes in future endeavors. It’s moving from a glass half empty mindset to one that is half (or completely!) full.

My use of the word mindset was not by accident. Much of the work we’ll engage in revolves around building a mindset/perspective of mindfulness, positivity, and gratitude. These traits are amongst those that have been studied the most in the science of happiness. Therefore, if we truly want our youth (and ourselves) to be happy, these are traits that we need to work to habituate. In the process, we encourage healthy risk taking in a safe setting, which builds confidence and motivation to challenge ourselves in new ways. This stepping out of our norm is where we see the most growth. It sounds complicated but can come about faster than you think in a compassionate, nonjudgmental setting where new learning is the goal. Often, parents have all they need to be successful and loving caregivers and simply need someone to help them see it. Sometimes, they benefit from the introduction to and practice of new skills, knowledge, and understanding. Reach out to me today…together we can help your family flourish. This first step is the hardest. Once you’ve committed to growth, a thriving family is well within reach!