Guidance for Helping Your Adolescent or Young Adult Child Commit to Life Coaching
Do you have a late teen or 20-something-year-old who could use some support?
Do you struggle knowing how to help your adolescent or young adult child?
Is your 18-24-year-old stuck or unmotivated?
These and others are concerns that many parents have for their coming-of-age children. Consequently, many parents have expressed interest in coaching for their adolescent or young adult children. In most cases, these are either high school or college students who 1) are struggling academically or socially, 2) feel unmotivated or lost, 3) thought they knew what they wanted but have since begun to wonder, or 4) are challenged by heightening expectations and looming adulthood. All of these issues (and more) are cause for concern. In most cases, I have not heard back from the parents despite my follow up. I’m going to guess that this is because the young person is not committed to getting help. Totally understandable, right? I mean there’s huge stigma around mental health for older adults, so imagine how much harder it may be to convince a young adult who is plagued with peer pressure, image concerns, time constraints, and so much more!
Mental health has been an issue for years but is growing exponentially in severity for this age range since the pandemic. According to the National Institute of Mental Health in 2021, more than one-third (33.7%) of all 18-25-year-olds, 28% of adults aged 26-49, and 15% of 50+-year-olds had a prevalence of mental illness, making this late adolescent-young adult population the most prominent among the adult populations. Moreover, the percentage of individuals in this age bracket who received services was 44.6%, which is the lowest of all adults. The above rates are for any mental illness. The rates for serious mental illness were once again highest within this age group, and rates for receiving mental health treatment were again the lowest of the adult age groups. With such high prevalence of mental illness and low rates for getting needed help, mental illness has been declared a health crisis, especially for the 18–25-year-old bracket.
If you are reading this blog, you’re probably quite aware of this problem. You are also likely wondering how best to help. This is tough. There are many answers, but none is a one-size-fits-all solution, as individual mental illness profiles are so unique. But I get it because I’ve been there. You try to help. They push you away. Tell you they’re fine. Or they can handle it. Some do. Most don’t. We pray they will make it through this tough time. It’s anguishing.
Upon my wise spouse’s encouragement, I decided to write this blog to help you guide your adolescent or young adult child toward getting help. I have a few suggestions. They may or may not pertain to your circumstances. Regardless, I hope they open your mind to a new perspective for engaging with your young person. If we, as parents, are to make headway with our kids, they need to know that we value them for who they are and feel safe with us. This, in and of itself, is a tall order.
- First, figure out how your young person deals with things from a social standpoint. For the vast majority of youth this age, we are not who they trust and/or respect the most. This is hard to accept. However, developmentally, they should be expected to go to their peers. So,try to ensure that their friend group includes some kids with sound decision-making skills. And try to give some space.
- Second, try your hardest to listen to (and really hear) what your young person does tell or otherwise share with you. Chances are, it’s not as much as you’d like, but it’s best if you can be there when they do come to you. Often when we see our kids struggling, we want to give advice or share what we’ve done in similar situations. STOP! In my experience, this generally backfires. At some point, they will mature enough to hear and learn from you in this way. However, now is not the time.
- Third, so if I’m just listening and not responding, what good am I doing, you might ask? A world of good, actually! Actively listening, showing that you’re there with (not for) them, and truly hearing and seeing them is most likely what they need the most.
- Fourth, let them live their lives as much as is reasonable. The adolescent mind is wired for risk. Really, it is! So, when we try to get our kids to stop doing things that scare us, we are not only countering what they’re ‘supposed to do,’ but we’re also taking away their autonomy, control, and self-efficacy. In order to develop self-determination, they need to try things. Obviously, there are multiple levels of experimentation. All families are comfortable with varying amounts. I guess what I’m saying is that your kids, no matter what age, need to experience certain things themselves to learn the lessons they need to from them. So, let them live.
I’ve given you an ear (I guess eye) full here. It’s a lot to take in, and I’m happy to meet with you to work through any of this together. Sometimes adults need to talk things out before we’re able to help our kids. Before I go, I wanted to point out a number of other blogs that may be of interest. Earlier this morning I published a post for adolescents looking for support. It is short and briefly addresses some frequently asked questions regarding life coaching for adolescents. I wrote it for their eyes. So, please direct them to:
My hope is that some of them may search for information like this to help them make the hard decision to get help. We can’t do the work for them. They have to do it. I’m very easygoing, and I strongly believe that I can support most young people who are committed to helping themselves. Your job in this fight is to help them get there.
I also have several other blogs on my website www.larahaascoaching.com.blog about family, parent, and life coaching for different ages. Check them out and let me know what you think. I’m always looking for new ideas for blog topics and am especially excited to write about what my readers want and need.
That reminds me before I go, I’d love to grow my mailing list. Every month I send out a newsletter letting my followers know what’s new at Lara Haas Coaching, LLC-Fostering Flourishing Families and providing additional tools and resources. It is completely free but by subscription only. If you’d like to sign up, please go to www.larahaascoaching.com/freebie. All I need is your name and email and you’ll get direct links to my new blogs and other news straight to your inbox. I manage it myself, so it’s very easy for you to unsubscribe at any time. Please share this offer with your networks!
Thank you so much and I sincerely hope you have a joyful beginning to the school year! Together, we can make anything happen.