Why Do Children Need Life Coaching?

A few weeks ago, I was on a call with some cohort members from my positive psychology coaching certification program. We were discussing how we use positive psychology in our businesses. When my turn approached, I shared that most of my clients have been youth or adolescents. As our training didn’t address working with young people specifically, their questions got me thinking a bit more deeply. It brought me back to my original reason for wanting to go into coaching.

Over time, research and practice in fields like psychology, child development, parenting, and others have swung back and forth on a pendulum. Sometimes tough love is in vogue; other times we are deep into promoting young people’s self-esteem. These philosophical changes are caused by multiple criteria and will likely continue to fluctuate. One thing always holds true, however. Young people need to know that they are valued, loved, and supported. In my experience, the straightest course in promoting this is through confidence, self-efficacy, and resilience. But how do we help kids develop these traits?

Caring adults help youth learn many essential skills. Sometimes they come relatively naturally, as a result of healthy modeling, emulation, trial and error, and ultimately habit formation. Other times, these strategies don’t work as hoped and may require further intervention. One example might include a baby who doesn’t develop a secure attachment with a caregiver. Many unintended influences may develop, including a lack of ability for the child to self-regulate. Unwanted behaviors and belief systems surface that can cause turmoil for the family as well as the child’s academic, social, and emotional wellbeing.

There is little argument that youth and adolescents are living in a tough time. Anxiety and depression rates are higher than ever before. Social influences of multiple types challenge our society to uniformly establish laws and processes that address the widespread discrepancies seen across populations. While I leave some elements of this work to others, I am committed to doing my share to bridge these gaps. This is precisely why I have chosen to provide life coaching for youth and adolescents. THEY NEED IT. WE ALL NEED IT.  

Over time, all individuals should develop self-determination (including autonomy, competence, and relatedness), but it seems this is more of an adult goal. We need to start with smaller bites with young people. They need to develop confidence, courage, and motivation. They learn this when we give them voice, choice, and empowerment. Adults are often scared to do so for fear that we will lose control. I couldn’t agree more that this is scary. However, when was the last time you learned anything meaningful when someone else did all the work? We will falter. Our kids may fail. But this is indeed how we all learn, isn’t it? We learn from our successes and challenges. Young people are no different.

As a child, when I was cautioned against doing something, I grew scared and believed that the grownups believed the task was too difficult or dangerous for me. This fear lowered my confidence which in turn depleted both my courage and motivation to try new things. Consequently, I repeated what I knew how to do and got good at a certain set of things. In essence, I was a perfectionist. However, it wasn’t until I grew the self-esteem to take on new challenges that I learned what else I was capable of. As such, we are limiting our kids’ success and growth with our own fears and need for control and worse yet, modeling this for them. I think the most impactful lesson I’ve learned is to laugh at my mistakes. Laughing allows me to see struggle in a different light. My perception of challenge has become what I seek out of circumstances.If something isn’t difficult, I’m not sure what I’ll get out of it, whereas if I need to struggle even a little, I know I’ll learn something from the experience.

I’m afraid I’ve gone a bit off topic though. So, life coaching youth and adolescents provides them with a new perspective, a reframing, and a growth mindset toward change. It helps them learn skills, strategies, and practices that they don’t learn in school (and often not at home) that they can take with them into adulthood. And it provides them with the building blocks to develop self-determination.

Are you concerned for a young person?

Would you like them to develop a sense of autonomy, feel connected to others, and believe they are competent and capable?

Need a little help?

Reach out today!